Only the rupee matters

Another week another dire report about the drop in the value of our currency As I write this a PTI report informs me that the rupee has closed at a record low of some amount against the US dollar amid the outflow of foreign capital from India and rising crude oil prices in the global market I donrsquot know what the reasons are whether they are valid or how they affect us because there have been similar reports coming in for a long time nowI have no idea what oil prices do to the cost of vegetables or how this has an effect on inflation because it isnrsquot my job to keep an eye on these things What I do know is that as patriotic Indians we should stop focusing on the dollar and start promoting reports on why the world should adopt the rupee insteadThe implication of these depressing reports is always the same that we arenrsquot doing as well economically as we like to think we are They are unnecessary because we donrsquot need reports on the value of a dollar to tell us what we can see for ourselves Anyone tasked with buying groceries for the month will know exactly how bad things are so why should another historical drop in rupee value cause such hand wringingItrsquos obvious that the rest of the world has stepped up its eightyearlong campaign to demean and diminish our many achievements and watching the rupee fall from its position as Second Most Favoured Currency In Entire World History is only the latest result of its machinations I wonrsquot be surprised if the war in Ukraine is simply an elaborate hoax to make India look badLuckily I think we have already begun taking several steps in the right direction some of which are immediately obvious There is that emphasis on Hindi for instance that will finally free us from our colonial yoke and show the world how superior our regional languages really are There is no word in Hindi for lsquoanatomyrsquo yet as memes on Twitter pointed out a few weeks ago but Irsquom pretty sure a governmentfunded committee can come up with our own equivalent scientific terms In 100 years or so when our coming generations of doctors catch up with medical research in English the dollar will cease to be of any importanceThis also reminds me of a fabulous new initiative by the Maharashtra government making it compulsory for all employees in state institutions and governmentfunded institutions to say ldquoVande Mataramrdquo instead of ldquohellordquo while receiving phone calls The government has rightly pointed out that ldquohellordquo is an imitation of Western culture and does not evoke affection I can personally vouch for the fact that using ldquoVande Mataramrdquo more often has had a profound impact on my love life and will undeniably change the way government employees are perceived by the rest of us We might even start to reconsider the ridiculous notion that they are corrupt lazy and inept and might begin to love them It is only little steps like these that can free us from the inferiority complex that compels us to gauge our value by comparison with Western ideals The dollar is just a manifestation of that complexI was also angered by the unnecessary mockery of our Union finance minister A suggestion that the rupee was not sinking but reacting to an incessantly strengthening dollar prompted thousands of satirical tweets and posts none of which came across as suitably patriotic If we start to malign our own currency instead of putting down every other one the government simply has to pay media outlets more money to promote its press releases as news reports This harms us alone given that it is our taxes that fund these PR campaigns If we can choose to believe that the rupee is stronger than the dollar that will be enoughMaybe this whole thing boils down to whether or not we have enough belief If we really are patriots we wonrsquot question the government We can ignore what the world tells us and laugh at the stock market We all have it within us to be this strong After all it was this belief alone that allowed us to beat a pandemic While the world suffered only 500000 of our countrymen officially succumbed to the virus I have no doubt that beating a thali and lighting diyas could have saved their lives tooWhen he isnrsquot ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereiraSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper