<img style="float: left;" src="http://images.mid-day.com/images/images/2022/nov/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Lobo Lobo was at my doorstep furiously blowing a vuvuzela, carrying an old overstuffed VIP suitcase. His face was painted primarily red, a touch of green with a circle of yellow around his right eye!
&ldquo;Uhm, Lobo Lobo&hellip; care to explain, why you look like Mel Gibson in Braveheart?&rdquo; I enquired.
&ldquo;Arre men Dikuna, it&rsquo;s the Portugal flag colours, uffff!&rdquo;
&ldquo;How do you explain the vuvuzela and the baggage you&rsquo;re carrying, in a VIP suitcase no less?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Dikuna men, helloo&hellip; the <a href="https://www.mid-day.com/search/fifa+world+cup+2022-all" target="_blank" rel="none noopener">FIFA World Cup 2022</a> begins today oni! Am off to Doha, to see some of de macches of Portugal&hellip; wohoooooo!&rdquo; he announced, while he blew once more on his vuvuzela.&nbsp;
&ldquo;Tell me more, Lobo Lobo.&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Arre wot to say, Bossie, it has been my long dream to woch my two favouritest superstars&hellip; Messi and CR7! Of course, no match for my Zizou Zidane, but still dey are legends. So my sas Petunia, she flies for Catay, she got me a cheap ticket.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Who&rsquo;s CR7?&rdquo; I enquired.
&ldquo;Arrey Dikuna men, CR7 is Cristiano, &nbsp;Ronaldo... uuuf&hellip; he dribbles dat ball like I used to in 1981. Criss-cross, diss way, dat way&hellip; goaaaallll.&rdquo;
&ldquo;God speed, Lobo Lobo.&rdquo;
&ldquo;If trut be tolded... I am also little bit tensed up!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Tensed up, why?&rdquo;
Lobo Lobo&rsquo;s voice lowered; he looked around furtively.
&ldquo;Arrey men, I don&rsquo;t tinks so dat Qatar is de best host nayshun for sumting as fan oriented as FIFA.&rdquo;
&ldquo;Why do you say that?&rdquo;&nbsp;
I asked curious.
Lobo Lobo looked around more furtively.
&ldquo;See men, a countree dats hosting footer, should be &lsquo;bindaas&rsquo;, so long as you&rsquo;re not brekking de law, dere should not be many curbs in dat country!&rdquo;&rsquo;
&ldquo;Would you care to elucidate?&rdquo;
&ldquo;What dat means, Lucyonadate?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Uhm&hellip; elucidate not&nbsp;
Lucyonadate, it means, can you expand?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Wot wot big big words you&rsquo;re using men! Accha, socko restrictions dey are putting on de fans, bleddy dey are disallowing drinking in de stands, how to watch footer men, if you&rsquo;re not little tipsy, how to enjoy de akshun! See men, I&rsquo;m toh became a teetotaller, since my pancreatitis in 2000, but all dose mad buggers from my Glaxose team from de &rsquo;80s, we are all going in one full &lsquo;paltan&rsquo; men, dey are too pissed off..&rdquo;
&ldquo;Aah I see your concerns!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Solid boozards men... dat Banerjee fellow, he was our centre forward, he&rsquo;s toh always &lsquo;tight&rsquo; men, den our full back, Leroy Mascarenhas, we called him &lsquo;Panjim Peg&rsquo; as pet name, dat bugger routinely carries whiskey into &lsquo;dry states&rsquo;, how much we have warned him, bossie please dey&rsquo;ll arrest you at de airport, he cares two hoots, chhe!&rdquo;
&ldquo;What are some of the other restrictions?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Arrey men, you can&rsquo;t take off your shirt in the stadiums!&rdquo;
&ldquo;And you were planning that?&rdquo;
&ldquo;At leesst I want de opshun. Also dey have a weird rule&hellip; if you indulge in cross dressing, straight jail immediately!&rdquo;
&ldquo;Uhm Lobo Lobo, why are you bothered by cross dressing, you&rsquo;re not planning to go out in the streets in a skirt or a sari, right?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Bossie, not me, but my son is coming wid me&hellip; he&rsquo;s one dat wachyoucall fashion designer&hellip; mad fellow he is, name is Ronaldo, named after de Brazilian superstar, but he&rsquo;s anyting but a sportsman. Chhe, he&rsquo;s a designer, wot wot clodes he wears like dat artiste Boy George na... can&rsquo;t tell oni, if he&rsquo;s a fellow or a female! He&rsquo;ll wear jeans but fully covered by one colourful sarong type top, and big big Elton John goggles. I tell him, &lsquo;Eh men, duffer Ronaldo, why you&rsquo;re going out dressed like one dame?&rsquo; and he tells to me, dis is how de fashionastas are dressed in blinking Milan... what I care about dat Milan, my concern is what is de peepuls are saying in Mahim (Maim) na?
And in Doha, men, dey&rsquo;ll look at him and say he&rsquo;s one LGBT, put him dere and den behind bars, pronto! Ufff tenshun ya! Anyway, chalo Dikuna men&hellip; whatyouwant from Duty Free? I&rsquo;ll bring one dat Tobler chockie for you, ciao.&rdquo;
And with that Lobo Lobo disappeared into the sunset, blowing his vuvuzela like his life depended on it.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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“How do you explain the vuvuzela and the baggage you’re carrying, in a VIP suitcase no less?”

Lobo Lobo and FIFA Fo Fun

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Lobo Lobo and FIFA Fo Fun

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