Donu2019t mess with the poha

THE traditional u2018 pohau2019 was pi** ed off. He puffed up his yellow chest to its full size and explodedu2014u2018 Iu2019m having a grain... sorry brain fade! How can I possibly be called Bangladeshi? That minister is crazy referring to us as immigrants? I have been on the breakfast table of millions of Indians for years. In fact, I am as much a common manu2019s food in Maharashtra as the vada pao... my relatives are scattered all over the country. Now, Iu2019m accused of belonging to another country! I fully protest.u201d A quick convention was called, comprising the five- member committee called NPRu2014 National Poha & Riceu2014 to understand this major issue that Poha was raising. The President of NPR, Batata ( potato) Poha started the proceedings with pomposity, u201c I would demand that you show us your proof of citizenship. Do you have the required documention? Aadhar card? Voting? Driving licence?u201d His deputy, Dahiyanche ( curd) Poha, said in subservient agreement, u201c Sir is right, plus your ingredients do not match the conventional dishu2014 No coconut, no potato, no peanutsu2026 I think you are an illegal Indian!u201d The traditional poha, went ballisticu2014u201c Oh God, you regressive idiots, with your old fashioned notions of foodu2026 hiding behind all these nonsense garnishingsu2014 move with the times, man, less is more, I am a vegan poha. My brother is a gluten free pohau2026 we live in the present, not like you has- beens. Ask the kid here.u201d The kid in the group, Gadanche Poha ( beaten rice with jaggery), said nothing, just put up his protest banneru2014u2018 Poha! Be u2018 wokeu2019 ya!u2019, it proclaimed. u201c Children should be seen and not heardu201d, the horizontally challenged Batata Poha said. u201c Not anymore, Uncle. My Gen has a new abbreviation, # PoHa, which stands for the Power in our Hands. Too late to lecture us anymore, the young have spoken. Got it, Uncle?u201d Doondache ( milk) Poha said weakly, u201c Let us vote to decide if Poha should be sent to Bangladesh or allowed to live in India.u201d Poha was appalled. u201c You all are true frenemies. Iu2019m taking this issue to a world forum, to GRAIN ( Global Rice Asian & International Nations) to ask their opinion.u201d And so, they came from all over, the head of every conceivable form of Oryza Sativa gathered to decide Pohau2019s fate. Saffron rice from the Indian sub- continent, Red Cargo rice from Thailand, Black rice from Philipines, Coconut rice from Kerala, Arborio rice from Italy, Sticky rice from Japan, Chinese fried rice from every country, even Mutton and Chicken Biry- zara hatke Rahul daCunha Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/ playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul. dacunha@ mid- day. com

Donu2019t mess with the poha

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