‘It brought us closer’: The secret to making long-distance relationships work

Would we be able to stay away from each otherWhat if we grow apartIs this person worth waiting forWhen will we meet againWhat does the future holdThese are just some questions that couples might find themselves deliberating upon when the mention of a lsquolongdistance relationshiprsquo comes up And rightly so because being miles apart from the person you love isnrsquot exactly an easy taskHowever when you find someone worth holding on to would you want the relationship to fall apart only because you both donrsquot live in the same placeRiya and Aman names changed who have been in a longdistance relationship for three years didnrsquot let the distance between Mumbai and Bangalore affect their bondldquoHonestly we didnrsquot think about it that much We just went with the flow and navigated situations and challenges as they appearedrdquo says RiyaAman adds ldquoI feel the distance has brought us closer When you canrsquot go out or celebrate together the primary way of bonding is by talking And these conversations have led to us getting to know each other betterrdquoFactors to considerWhile the couple embraced longdistance relationship the arrangement doesnrsquot come without challengesldquoThere are times when we feel like celebrating together or having the other by our side in situations of sadness or happiness but it isnrsquot always possiblerdquo Aman expressesWhile relationships in general can pose several challenges distance adds another layer to it Perhaps thatrsquos why couples are often hesitant to opt for longdistance relationshipsJasdeep Mago Jethani a Mumbaibased neuropsychologist and psychotherapist explains ldquoPeople usually hesitate to get into a longdistance relationship due to two primary issues The first one is the question of trust Can I trust this person to be loyal to me when I am not around The second issue is that of lsquoWhat ifrsquo What if they make a better life where they are without me and then donrsquot need merdquoSeveral other challenges further complicate this arrangementAccording to Jethani the most common challenges that can arise in a longdistance relationship areCommunication gap Depending on the geography type of job lifestyle etc communication gaps can often occur in a longdistance relationship ldquoThis can be overcome by setting certain guidelines and ideating ways to connect with each other without being intrusiverdquo she remarksTrust issues Several questions relating to ones partner can arise in an individualrsquos mind Whom are they talking to Whom are they spending time with Which friends are they hanging out with Are they telling me the truth Can I trust the people around my partner ldquoThese trust issues and questions can arise due to two reasons internal insecurities and actual proof In order to navigate this you should figure out which one of the above is causing it and then have a conversation with your partner accordinglyrdquo Jethani statesGrowing apartThis is a major challenge in longdistance relationships A common question is What if we grow into two different individuals and donrsquot have the same interests we have today ldquoThis is a conversation that couples should have throughout the relationship to know where each one standsrdquo she saysWhile these are challenges that arise after the longdistance relationship begins there are some factors that one should consider and conversations one should have before opting for this arrangement Paying heed to these points can ease the burden laterBangalorebased relationship coach Radhika Mohta shares ldquoWhat tops this list irrespective of geography distance time zones etc is the question Do you have the financial resources and the emotional bandwidth to be able to handle a longdistance relationshiprdquoldquoNo matter what technology has come in and how close we feel because of virtual communication sometimes you just want to hold hands with your partner or share a meal with them or want to be a part of each otherrsquos highs and lows That is when lastminute buses trains cabs flights cost money So that is something to consider in advancerdquo she explainsldquoAnd in terms of emotional bandwidth if one partner needs constant reassurance of togetherness then a longdistance relationship can get difficultrdquo she addsJasdeep Mago Jethani L Radhika Mohta RMaking longdistance relationships workWhile difficulties arise couples can bridge the physical distance using innovative waysRiya reveals ldquoWe had to figure out ways to bond and spend time together From virtual moviewatching experiences to online games we tried different thingsrdquoldquoWe used to have a movie night everyFriday That time was reserved for each otherrdquo Aman addsAdditionally the couple also found ways to meet each other whenever possible planning their trips in a way that they could celebrate important occasions togetherJethani shares the following ways to strengthen onersquos bond in a longdistance relationshipMake each other a part of your life Talk to each other about your friends work new hobbies interests etc If you are growing into a different individual let them grow with you When you include each other in these parts of your life it creates a sense of belonging and togetherness and thatrsquos what keeps people going despite the distanceHave healthy boundaries in terms of time and space Be sensitive towards each otherrsquos goals and commitments and set boundaries accordinglyDonrsquot be too involved in making shortterm plans like when you are meeting next Its good to make plans but better to focus on the bigger dreams and goals that have led to this arrangement Whatrsquos the dream you have individually and together This mindset keeps people unitedMohta shares the following tipsEngage in shared experiences virtually whether it is video calls playing online games or participating in an activity together like learning a new language Through this you grow together and it also makes for something to talk aboutRituals work well in longdistance relationships ldquoI know this couple who was in a longdistance relationship between Mumbai and Europe The ritual of doing a movie date night online every weekend worked out well for them The ritual can also look like one person calling the other every morning and both starting their day togetherrdquo Mohta statesA room for grace is important There will be times when your partner might not pick up the call on time their battery might die etc One must not consider these situations as potential threats to the relationship This comes when people are assured about their relationship and trust each otherldquoItrsquos important to have a vision board together In the short term what are you looking forward to collectively In the long term when are you planning to be together in the same location The lsquowhyrsquo of the relationship needs to be strongrdquo Mohta concludesAlso ReadValentines Day 2025 Loved or love bombed Heres how to differentiate