The four-month-old chicky's is just the kind of place you should urge your foes to visit. PS: don't show them this review
There's something strangely ominous about an exceptionally bad meal. It gives you a glimpse of the day ahead. Say if you have an unforgettably bad meal, you might also get fleeced by the auto guy after getting completely drenched because you left your umbrella at home. What's worse, you run a high risk of discovering that the colour on the skirt you thought you lucked out on is not fast after all. And then in the evening, you might miss a play you have been dying to watch because your friend falls ill. And all through the day, you squarely blame the meal you had for lunch.u00a0u00a0 
It happens to the best of us. And it did, this rainy Saturday, when we decided to try Chicky's, the new fast food joint on Castle Street opposite what used to be Fuga.u00a0 The place wears a 'friendly neighbourhood burger point' look. Frankly, we have lost count of the number of times that property has changed hands and failed to make a mark in the culinary scene of the city.u00a0
But our quest for something new took us there. Turns out, not many people are as adventurous. We were the only ones at the 24-seater that cursed afternoon. Now there's a reason why Colonel Harland Sander's KFC is inimitable. Its handwritten recipe is locked in a vault. There have been several attempts to replicate KFC, but none has been able to crack the code. If Chicky's was another wannabe KFC, it would have been forgiven. After all, there's nothing wrong in aspiring to be like the masters. But the restaurant not only assaults your taste buds, offending them in a way that they stop reacting to just about everything for the next 24 hours, but also reinvents dishes.
We ordered a Lollypop (that's how they spell it there) Combo (R 125) which challenges conventional notions of chicken lollipop. What lay before us were deep fried breasts of chicken that were no different from the Fried Chicken (R 55) we asked for. Thinking there might have been a mistake in comprehending the order, we call the waiter, who tells us that's how a chicken lollypop is made in his world. There was more. A ketchup pouch was sent to us when we asked for chilly sauce. The French Fries, that were a part of the combo, came after a good 20 minutes and were soggy and mundane. The salad in the combo was nothing more than two thinly slices pieces of beetroot and carrots.u00a0u00a0
After the insipid Lollipop, with which we couldn't go beyond the first bite, came the Chicky's Special Chicken Burger (R 90). We are clueless about what makes the Chicky's Special version different from the regular ones. They use a patty for the burger, unlike KFC, and a stale one at that, with just about the warmth of the poles. Try telling them you've never had this cold a burger, and this is what you will hear: "It became cold minutes after we took it out of the microwave oven." That's right.u00a0u00a0u00a0
The vegetarian in us had a Veg Burger Meal (R 99) and we must admit that he was envied. For he had the best meal that afternoon. It was palatable - a huge deal in Chicky's. But what accompanied it, the Tandoori Veg Nuggets (R 75), was the stuff mightmares are made of. The nuggets were so limp that we suspected that they were doused in water before being served. The less said about the stuffing, the better.
The Chicken Sheek Kebab (R 75) was, by far, the best thing that happened that afternoon. We didn't leave any of it on the plate, and that's all we'll say about it. Besides the unforgivably shabby service with staff that's not only rude but ever confused, Chicky's also has the added irritant of not having most of what's mentioned on the menu. Here are the things that were unavailable in order of being asked for:
Orange, watermelon, grape and pineapple juices, Shawarma, Falafel (spelt filafil on the menu, which, by the way, serves as great comic relief when you're about to tear your hair in frustration), Noodles and Smileys. The entire dessert section that includes 28 items as "the ice cream cooler doesn't work." If it did, we would have had to taste strange sounding desserts like GudBud, Nutcase Curd, Ferry Craze, Stranger Mango, Caprican Chocolate and GoldDuck. Thank god for small mercies.
If you ever get to taste any of those and figure out the relevance of those names, do mail us. We'll publish them. Chicky's does home delivery. But would you call Satan home?
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Where Chicky's, 17 Castle Street, Near Brigade Tower, Ashok Nagar
Call 41527269/ 9886475131
Meal for towu00a0Rs 500
Chicky's didn't know we were there. The Guide reviews anonymously and pays for meals.
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