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I sometimes feel as if it will be difficult to stay married as we get older, because our resentments will start to get in the way
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 31-year old man and have been married for six years. We were forced to marry early because our parents didn’t approve of us dating and wanted us to commit to marriage. My wife and I love each other, but we often feel as if we were pushed into this without fully realising what it meant for the rest of our lives. We wanted to do so much more, and enjoy more freedom in our twenties, but were denied the opportunity just because our parents were unable to cope with our relationship. I sometimes feel as if it will be difficult to stay married as we get older, because our resentments will start to get in the way. I don’t want that to happen. What can we do to avoid it?
Self-awareness is a huge step towards positive change because it signifies a willingness to work together. If you and your wife love each other and are still interested in committing to a lifelong relationship, nothing that has happened in the past should carry as much importance as you get older. It sometimes takes time for a couple to arrive at a place of understanding, and part of the joy is working towards that place together. I suggest you start by acknowledging why you both feel disappointed, disillusioned, or angry about being forced to marry early. Talk about what that has meant, what your specific regrets are, and how you both define enjoying your twenties. Also talk about what you have gained by being together all these years. Sometimes, all you need is the right kind of perspective to realise that what looks like a problem has been an advantage.
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Is it okay for two people to get engaged after just five months of dating? Are we rushing into this?
Taking time to get to know the other person is always recommended, but no one can really answer that question apart from the two people in a relationship.
The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com
I am a 31-year old man and have been married for six years. We were forced to marry early because our parents didn’t approve of us dating and wanted us to commit to marriage. My wife and I love each other, but we often feel as if we were pushed into this without fully realising what it meant for the rest of our lives. We wanted to do so much more, and enjoy more freedom in our twenties, but were denied the opportunity just because our parents were unable to cope with our relationship. I sometimes feel as if it will be difficult to stay married as we get older, because our resentments will start to get in the way. I don’t want that to happen. What can we do to avoid it?
Self-awareness is a huge step towards positive change because it signifies a willingness to work together. If you and your wife love each other and are still interested in committing to a lifelong relationship, nothing that has happened in the past should carry as much importance as you get older. It sometimes takes time for a couple to arrive at a place of understanding, and part of the joy is working towards that place together. I suggest you start by acknowledging why you both feel disappointed, disillusioned, or angry about being forced to marry early. Talk about what that has meant, what your specific regrets are, and how you both define enjoying your twenties. Also talk about what you have gained by being together all these years. Sometimes, all you need is the right kind of perspective to realise that what looks like a problem has been an advantage.
I am a 31-year old man and have been married for six years. We were forced to marry early because our parents didn’t approve of us dating and wanted us to commit to marriage. My wife and I love each other, but we often feel as if we were pushed into this without fully realising what it meant for the rest of our lives. We wanted to do so much more, and enjoy more freedom in our twenties, but were denied the opportunity just because our parents were unable to cope with our relationship. I sometimes feel as if it will be difficult to stay married as we get older, because our resentments will start to get in the way. I don’t want that to happen. What can we do to avoid it?
Self-awareness is a huge step towards positive change because it signifies a willingness to work together. If you and your wife love each other and are still interested in committing to a lifelong relationship, nothing that has happened in the past should carry as much importance as you get older. It sometimes takes time for a couple to arrive at a place of understanding, and part of the joy is working towards that place together. I suggest you start by acknowledging why you both feel disappointed, disillusioned, or angry about being forced to marry early. Talk about what that has meant, what your specific regrets are, and how you both define enjoying your twenties. Also talk about what you have gained by being together all these years. Sometimes, all you need is the right kind of perspective to realise that what looks like a problem has been an advantage.
ADVERTISEMENT
Is it okay for two people to get engaged after just five months of dating? Are we rushing into this?
Taking time to get to know the other person is always recommended, but no one can really answer that question apart from the two people in a relationship.
The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com
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