Games girls play

In the days since three sisters mdash aged 12 14 and 16 mdash died by suicide after jumping from the ninth floor of their Ghaziabad housing complex public grief has curdled quickly into judgement Headlines zeroed in on a phrase that felt both foreign and convenient ldquoKorean love gamerdquo As details emerged the narrative hardened into a familiar one where teenage girls were cast as reckless impressionable or dangerously obsessedResearchers studying interactive ldquolove simulationrdquo games have long warned against this simplification A 2021 academic study on the popular game Mystic Messenger found that such platforms are designed to convert playersrsquo time attention and emotional labour into currency creating bonds that feel intimate demanding and difficult to walk away fromThe uncomfortable question then isnrsquot why the girls played but why the digital world became the place where their emotional needs were most consistently metCyber psychologist and user behaviour analyst Nirali Bhatia cautions against viewing these platforms as sinister from the outset ldquoNo game starts as something scary otherwise it would immediately drive children awayrdquo she says Instead they begin by offering attention For a young girl who may already feel lonely or unseen Bhatia explains ldquothis emotional hook becomes magneticrdquo The danger emerges laterldquoBy the time the game starts asking for more the child has already invested trust and built a bondrdquo she says The moment a girl feels anxious about quitting or scared of disappointing someone online ldquothatrsquos when it stops being entertainmentrdquo Choice simmers into air Fear takes its place ldquoAt that pointrdquo Bhatia adds ldquowe are looking at dependency and anxiety and everything except gamingrdquoOn Wednesday February 4 three sisters aged 12 14 and 16 died by suicide after jumping from the ninth floor of their Ghaziabad apartment allegedly due to their addiction with a ldquoKorean Love Gamerdquo FILE PICStuti Sharma psychologist and founder of The Bleu Helpers says the question shouldnrsquot be why girls play these games but what theyrsquore seeking when they do In her clinical work shersquos seen young girls gravitate towards online gaming spaces to ldquobuild a sense of selfesteemrdquo mdash to feel competent capable and validated in ways they may not feel at home or in school ldquoIf theyrsquore doing well in a gamerdquo she explains ldquoit feels like proof that they can compete even with adultsrdquo Crucially Sharma stresses that excessive gaming is rarely the problem itself Itrsquos a symptom of loneliness and underdeveloped coping skills At that age she says impulse often overrides consequence The action comes first the weight of it arrives too lateNirali Bhatia and Madhura PathareGame designer Madhura Pathare 29 is careful to resist easy villainy She grew up playing games from Barbie dressup worlds to ageold racing games like Midtown Madness and still plays today ldquoFor many girls gaming has become the third space It is the social world that playgrounds parks and unsupervised hangouts once providedrdquo she says Unlike physical spaces Pathare points out digital ones are shaped by monetisation hypersexualised design and engagement loops that reward spending time and money Women often hide their identities online to avoid harassment while young girls absorb ideas about beauty popularity and worth at accelerated speed ldquoGames nowadays are only optimised for attention with no reflection Especially the ones targeting childrenrdquo Pathare says ldquoThey teach urgency and immediate rewardsrdquoStuti Sharma psychologist and founder of The Bleu HelpersWhen harm begins to take root it rarely announces itself through screen time alone Sharma and Bhatia both stress that the earliest warning signs are emotional not digital Sleep patterns shift Irritability creeps in A previously open child becomes secretive withdrawn or unusually anxious ldquoThese changes happen gradually which is why theyrsquore easy to missrdquo Bhatia notesAshish Javeri a Mumbaibased parent to a 12yearold daughter Mishka says attentiveness matters more than surveillance ldquoKids canrsquot hide distress the way adults canrdquo he says Restlessness sudden anger or social withdrawal are cues meant not for punishment but for conversation intervention and when needed help His parenting in the digital age isnrsquot about watching every move ldquoIrsquove restricted a few games like Roblox and Battlefields for Mishka Itrsquos basically about discipline from an early agerdquo His daughter has screen limits age filters and app restrictions but those are scaffolding not the core ldquoThe moment a child is not comfortable talking to yourdquo he says ldquoyoursquove already lost the gamerdquo Javeri and his wife prioritise conversation over control making sure their daughter feels trusted enough to ask questions and admit mistakes ldquoYou can restrict appsrdquo he says ldquobut if your child canrsquot come to you when something feels wrong no filter will save yourdquoAshish Javeri has maintained an open relationship with his 12yearold daughter Mishka and is always aware of her online activityFrom the inside the gaming ecosystem Gagan Gupta is blunt about where the danger lies ldquoThough I wouldnrsquot count these as games per se but there are some predatory gamified apps out there made by people who just want to monetise these thingsrdquo he says adding that this problem ldquomainly plagues mobile as a platformrdquo According to him PC and console gaming operate differently because ldquothere are quality checks in place that donrsquot allow these kinds of thingsrdquo He is unequivocal about intent ldquoThe developer is very aware of what theyrsquore creatingrdquo If a game has addictive value ldquoit definitely is not coming to them as a surprise no matter what theyrsquore sayingrdquo In this vacuum temporary bans acting as emergency brakes simply pauses the harm not longterm fixes What happened is not girlsrsquo weaknesses or a parentrsquos failure but the outcome of emotionally vulnerable children navigating an immense digital world alone