The other day someone asked me, “I’ve never seen you sly tweet or respond to people who are being mean about you online. How are you so restrained?” This beatific picture of me made me laugh, and would have almost anyone who knows me in sardonic splits.

Like anyone else there’s plenty of times that I get that ate-a-tinda expression while scrolling through social media: at humblebrag, at virtue signaling aka batting of political eyelashes, at bloodthirsty envy disguised as critique, the teacher’s pet starting of fires (“Is it just me or…). Yes, I have yelled in my mind like many, no doubt, “It is just you, you and only you!” I confess that upon seeing many a “humbled to receive an Oscar/massive contract/aeroplane/etc” I have frequently considered replying “humbled to receive my Amazon order.” Indeed, I have probably done so, but wisely not posted it. If I could find that folder where Unsent Tweets are apparently stored it would no doubt be a supposedly shameful but actually exhilarating display of hectic irritation.