In the wrong Twilight zone

Don't be ashamed of your love for the vampire saga; you are not alone. Ayesha Nair reveals why she hates loving everything that's Twilight

Don't be ashamed of your love for the vampire saga; you are not alone. Ayesha Nair reveals why she hates loving everything that's Twilight

I MISSED the last big book to movie franchise the Harry Potter series. I can't pick out Dumbledore in a lineup of 19-year-old boy band singers and Alohomora is a swear word to me.

So I'm ashamed to admit that I am a certified Twilight suckeru2026 eru2026 fan.u00a0

I got in late on the craze after a cousin in America gushed about the movie in a note on her Facebook page. For me, Twilight was just a book written by a newbie author. Edward and Bella were just characters and not pop culture's equivalent of Romeo and Juliet.

Yet the Twilight books turned out to be something else a love story with a dark twist. And by virtue of it being like chick literature, I devoured the books. However, after four books of Bella suffering from the self-esteem of a skunk (listen to her go on in Twilight: "I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interestingu2026 and brilliantu2026 and mysteriousu2026 and perfectu2026") all the while describing Edward's colour-changing eyes, I began to doubt my choice in literature, and my sanity.

Author Stephenie Meyer had a great premise for a story, but, for me, she ruined it with badly etched characters and some pretty average writing. Bella unconsciously plays damsel in distress and passes out in the woods out of grief and not because she had too many Cosmopolitan cocktails like a normal girl would when Edward leaves her at the beginning of New Moon, the second book in the series.

Edward, meanwhile, is the opposite of the tall, dark, hot-blooded hero. He's the colour of bleached cotton and as cold as an ice cube. Add to that, creepy. He tries to get to know Bella better by reading other people's thoughts on her and actually watches her sleep at night. Call the cops you have a stalker.

The movie is no saving grace, either. When it didn't release in Indian theatres last year (Twilight now releases here on November 20), I got my hands on the DVD.

The film fails to capture whatever little essence the book has. Kristen Stewart might look the part of the pale, insecure Bella, but her idea of seduction is a raised eyebrow. Robert Pattinson as Edward is dreamy and agreed he's a vampire, but that's little excuse for having one expression throughout the film.

However, this barely sated my curiosity. I waited eagerly for the sequel New Moon's trailers and as they hit YouTube, I watched Bella react to the news of Edward going to Italy to get himself killed with the shock of someone who has learnt that a sale is over. Taylor Lautner, as Jacob Black who also loves Bella, seems the only shining light, but that's mostly because he is shirtless.u00a0

Despite my scorn, I've practically inhaled all four books and the first movie on DVD. The books and movies play on our longing for the perfect happy ever after. Besides which, there's our bad boy fixation with blood-sucking vampires and Count Dracula.

Twilight also plays on every girl's fantasy of two guys fighting over her except here, one's a vampire, the other a werewolf! They just happen to be enemies for over centuries. Edward might be creepy and lurk around suspiciously, but he's also intensely protective about Bella.

That, sadly enough, makes me go awww!

My obsession led me to pore over Midnight Sun, the incomplete version of events from Edward's point of view. It's even sappier than Twilight. A guy so in touch with his feelings? Come on, it has be a work of fiction.

I thought of myself as vaguely interested in the Twilight saga, but my status changed to fanatical when I caught myself constantly logging on to gossip websites to check up on the casts' lives. I went from fan to stalker. The Twilight saga is like a drug and I need my daily dose of snippets, photos and videos of the cast, whether filming, grabbing lunch or strolling.

I find myself debating, like the rest of the Internet community, the pros and cons of being a Team Edward or Team Jacob supporter with an intensity that I lacked while casting my vote a few months ago. I'm not proud of this, but I know where exactly they are on their press tour and am hoping they make a stopover in India.

I shudder to think what life will be like once the final movie Breaking Dawn comes out. It will be the end of an era.

So if you see a wane Bella-type waif wandering the streets of Mumbai, wearing an 'Edward, bite me' T-shirt, please don't judge me!

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