Since the Delhi HC ruling, gay helplines are ringing off the hook. Closet gays are asking for advice on how to come out, to their hetero partners and their parents
Since the Delhi HC ruling, gay helplines are ringing off the hook. Closet gays are asking for advice on how to come out, to their hetero partners and their parents
An increasing number of gays in India have started calling helplines for advice on coming out. For instance, before July 2 (when the Delhi High Court pronounced its extraordinary decision), the Humsafar Trust got about 10-15 calls every day. That number has now swelled four times over and most calls are from people who want to disclose their sexual preferences to their close ones, including parents and friends. The NGO receives not less than 35-40 calls daily at all/each of the three centres located in Vakola, Kalyan and Juhu.
Kalpita Lanjekar Patil, chief coordinator of Humsafar's counseling centre, is a clinical psychologist and has been here for three years. Patil says most callers are between the ages of 20-35.
"Earlier, callers asked us to help them find partners. Others hesitated in opening up. This has changed after July 2. Callers are more open. Most ask us how they should tell their parents and even if they can come to the centre with their parents," said Patil.
The trust has been approached via phone and mails in the last few weeks. Reading one such mail, Patil said, "One man wrote that he was gay and wanted to tell his parents, but was nervous as he was an only child and they loved him very much. I'll counsel him and if needed, even call him," said Patil.
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How Mumbai's coming out
Just last week, a gay couple in their late twenties from Mumbai met Patil. They wanted to come clean to their parents. But then, they went for an HIV test and one of them was tested HIV +ive. The HIV-ive partner is adamant that they disclose their sexual identity to their parents, not only because they want to stay together but because the HIV-ive partner wants to take care of the other. "I was touched by the couples' decision. I am still counseling them. They have decided to disclose their sexual identities to their parents, but they won't tell them about the HIV thing as it might cause some problem in the future," said Patil.
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A 65-year-old hetero couple from Mumbai approached the counseling centre. The husband, who came in with his wife, was gay. His wife was unaware of it until they came to the centre. Recollecting the conversation, Patil said, "The husband started narrating his story and that he had a boyfriend who was 28 years old and how they were deeply in love with each other. As he spoke about their relationship, the wife started crying. Of course, she could not believe it. They'd been married for four decades. I ended up counselling the wife; the husband was only thinking of himself."
Patil reveals how the woman's husband often shared messages that he and his lover exchanged, but she never suspected anything. She hasn't even told their married kids the story.
People in the closet are also approaching others who are out. Said Harish Iyer, an executive with an event management company, "People have been calling me since July 2 for advice on how to speak to their parents about this." Patil added, "The main problem is that most parents are in denial, so it takes a while to make them understand."
Humsafar can be contacted on: 022- 26673800. Or, email them on qs_humsafar@hotmail.com
Bangalore is nonchalant
The garden city has taken the ruling in its stride. NGOs say that it is easier to broach the subject as the issue has got acceptability. Alternative Law Forum (ALF), a Bangalore-based firm, has been working on the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) movement for the past three years. Siddharth Narayanan of ALF said, "It's easier to address the issue now as people are more aware. It has visibility."
Swabhava, an NGO that runs the Sahaya helpline, holds a similar view. Vinay Chandran, counselor, said, "There has been no drastic change in the number of calls. For the LGBT community, it has always been a personal journey of coming out in front of their folks. We still address these issues."
Akkai Padmashali, who works in the information division of Sangama, a gay rights NGO, said, "More people are asking us for advice now; the number of calls has gone up. We also meet up with people on Sundays and address issues of homosexuality and sexual minorities. Earlier, people were shy, but now they are open post the demolishing of article 377."
Delhi wakes up
In Delhi, where the historical judgment took place, the response is overwhelming. Betu Singh, founder, Sanginii, a lesbian support group says call counts are up by 20 per cent. More women want to know what is safe and what isn't; previous help-seekers want to know how far they can go in terms of legal freedom.
"Even heterosexual partners who know their spouses are homosexual are calling in, thinking 'ab toh haath se gayi'. So, everyone wants us to decode the change in law, clear it to them, tell them how it's going to help them be free or retain a homosexual partner," said Singh.
Anjali Gopalan, director, Naaz and Men having Sex with Men (MSM) help group which filed the petition against Sec 377 eight years ago, admitted that calls have gone up hugely. "The change is too large to document. But alternately-inclined people still can't get married or adopt kids, and it'd be wrong to say that many new faces are coming on the scene. That's because homosexual sex between consenting adults has only been decriminalised, not legalised," she said.
One can contact Sanginii on 011-65676450.
Pune wants to date
In Pune, the judgment has made date-seekers less fearful. Daljeet Singh of Adhar, an NGO, said, "People come to us because they want to meet like-minded people." Citing the example of Sandeep (name changed), Singh said, "Sandeep wants to meet people whom he can spend some time with. So far, he has been meeting gays discreetly at parks or bus stops and then they go their separate ways. He is fed up with this secretiveness. He feels counseling will help him."
With inputs from Soumya Mukerji in Delhi, Anita Mischel in Bangalore and Shree Lahiri in Pune
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