'After watching Black, I said, 'I can do this. What is the big deal?'

Loveloathe cant ignore actorwriterdirector Kangana Ranaut Over a career spanning a decadeandhalf as an actor plus publicfigure her sharp tongue has sufficiently matched her creative talentsAnd she has boxoffice numbers to back em too Otherwise itll be alltalk which it really isnt It seems that in a boringly politicallycorrect world she basically knows how to give it back in public In case she insists youve crossed swords with her and that youd rather notIn a conversation lasting much over an hour Ranaut ran out a good bunch of her contemporaries questioning their position as role models given they seemed to her as such overprotected pampered pieces of shit The entire video is uploaded on the Internet and you must check it out when you get the timeBut this excerpt in keeping with Sit With Hitlist as a series is mainly about looking deeper into one of the finest stories in showbusiness Only natural that we start withKangana Ranaut in conversation with Mayank Shekhar at the latest edition of Sit with Hitlist before a live audience at the midday office PicsRane Ashish Nimesh DaveAmong current Bollywoods leading ladies youre perhaps the only genuine ragstoriches story and have mentioned this before What do you mean by thatIndia is a big hotchpotch land Back home in Himachal growing up in the mountains I never thought we were any different or poor because there is a lot of equality neutrality there You will never find something really expensive around But you wont see a beggar either It was only when I moved to big cities like Delhi and Mumbai that I was exposed to worlds harsh realities There were slums and fivestar hotels I still remember entering a fivestar lobby I couldnt believe the sort of luxurygrandeur and right outside were toddlers begging It was unsettling for me According to that economy I felt that my parents couldnt afford to pay my rent in Delhi They had their own set of ideas and were scared for me They had heard horrible stories of girls being misused turning into pornstars The fact is that they couldnt afford to pay Rs 20000 rent a big amount 10 years agoBut that is a common outsiders perception of showbiz isnt itAnd that happens commonly as well I almost fell into a trap like thatWhat do you meanThe fact that people met and promised to guide help but then I was put under housearrest And then Pahlaj Nihalani had offered me a film called I Love You Boss They had a photoshoot where they gave me a robe to wear and no undergarments So I just had a satin robe for a showgirl pose from which I had to stick my leg out coming out of darknessThey should at least have given some tapes I was supposed to play a young girl lusting after her middleaged boss So it was a softporn sort of character And I had this epiphany that I cant do this I felt like this is exactly what my parents were talking aboutDid you run away or actually go through itI actually went through the photoshoot but then I disappeared I changed my number And around that time I was giving auditions and had tested for Anurag Basus Gangster 2006 and Puri Jagannadhs Pokiri 2006 Luckily I got both films and had to take the call mdash you know how something doesnt happen for the longest and you get twothree things together I was in that phase I chose Gangster but Pokiri went on to become a big hit as well and then I worked with Puri sir laterDuring the socalled struggle period working as a model testing for parts living in a hostel did you face anything unsavoury in terms of whats now called a MeToo momentNot at all If I have got into trouble like that it is only because of meAs inI think I have been in places where I have pushed the limit Like I have been through dark and destructive phases Being a teenager I would get into strange situations that would lead to drastic circumstancesmdashhaving exposed myself to dangers and paid a heavy price And that was because of something more destructive within me than someone taking advantage of a damselindistress Fortunately or unfortunately Ive never been that person At 15 I could tell my father that I dont need to take shit from him That way I have been straightforwardAlso ReadWatch Video Kangana Ranaut in an exclusive interview hits out at Ranbir Kapoor and Alia BhattIts a very teenage thing to doYes I was young and humiliated by my family and I felt a sense of longing It brought about a sense of destruction within me It seemed relieving gratifying every time I put myself in those situations Even by the time I stumbled across a film like Gangster I felt so bleak and exhausted that it never seemed like something good would happen to meYoud reached a point where you couldnt care lessYes Cant you tell from my performanceNo thought you were playing a characterI was 17 I dont think I played any characters in those days I had briefly done theatre in Delhi so I could take some instructions but I wasnt a seasoned actor who would draw a graph I was in that situationAnother thing that sets you apart from your contemporaries is youre the only person from films I know who has never been a movie buff You didnt even grow up watching moviesI actually stumbled upon this profession and my need to find myself was more spiritual which is what I am exploring at this point But even earlier money fame and adulation were not the driving factors You can tell from my choices I am not on social media and I have never been a film fan Even today when I have to watch a filmseries to study or am asked to it takes a lot of effort I have to bring in other perks like cook a good meal wine to accompany else it gets too dry I actually find film or series as bit of an external feeding mechanism You are fed for so long which I dont likeYou mean you find the process too passiveYes I miss the engagement that one can have for example when you sit with friends Or do poetry where you react to stanzas But with film there is too much feeding without any involvement and that goes on for too long At the same time there have been rare gratifying experiences with wonderful works where I am so consumed that I have totally surrendered to themSpeaking of which there are two big movie moments in your life Black 2005 and Devdas 2002 mdash if Im not mistaken mdash and both involve Sanjay Leela Bhansali youve met him sinceOh yes In fact we had a brief meeting for Padmaavat 2018 He narrated me the scriptHe offered you the filmYes There was this conversation and I was doing Manikarnika then so it didnt go anywhere But we had a brief narration Before that as well he wanted me to do the RamLeela song He is a filmmaker who can leave strong impressions on you especially if you are a fresh mindI was 13 or 14 when they friends at Chandigarh hostel took us to watch Devdas It is based on literature that I was not exposed to Along with direction for the first time the artiste thinker or someone who loves to contemplate had been seriously seducedSo the ethos of two extremely strongheaded people in Devdas and their egos meant much more At that age I could identify with it I would cry and think about life And of course those amazing grand visuals and the way he depicted them was poetic something Id never seen beforeAnd then I remember going for Black At that time people around me from theatre were suggesting I do films which I thought would be difficult I went with my roommate Kamlesh who was almost my mothers ageShe was also a struggling actorYes she wanted to do mummy roles She was around 5253Living in the same Asha Chandra hostel as youShe was from Chicago had limousines She is back in her hometown now but she comes over sometimes and still says that if a role comes up I must tell her laughs But that is the charm of filmsSo she took me to watch Black and told me if we could act like that we could also become like them And I said I can do this Whats the big deal She was like Oh my god look at you I said in theatre we do this in one go Here you have to do it in segments and if you mess up you can do it again I went back to my hostel tried to enact Rani Mukerjis character before the mirror And I knew I can definitely do this That day I found the confidenceAlso ReadKangana Pahlaj Nihalani gave me a photoshoot where I had a robe to wear and no undergarmentsYoure a selftaught actor But when you dont watch movies per se how diddo you teach yourself Often people learn from observing others craft Whats your processI wouldnt say Im a selftaught actor mdash definitely someone curious and eager to learn When I did theatre with Arvind Gaur he opened me up and gave me confidence that I am good at this When it came to Anurag Basu he said I have met so many young actors and some of them I have rejected are big stars today But people are often unable to convey what they think and feel You have this ability to portray that He had this process If he gave me an emotion he would ask me to repeat it that thought in my head and it would reflect on my faceGive an exampleFor instance if Emraans Hashmi character in Gangster walking towards me and I have to act anxious he would stop me from verbalising it He would make me sit still and repeat the panic words What will happen in my head over and over again But this cant be applicable to all films In Manikarnika it would be difficult because the film is more theatrical by nature I have to actually spell out the emotionsIn a film like Queen 2014 it has to be more internal and less about bodylanguage There is a different school of acting and you learn a lot with every film So while I am not selftaught I do grasp everything and make it my ownAlso youve mentioned that when you play a certain part you give your character a oneword adjective Could you elaborateWith a character one can get confused because people arent unidimensional But if there is one aspect that you can point out and dissolve yourself in your job gets easy and that comes through beautifully on screen This is a personal style I have developedSo what was your one word for ManikarnikaI would be in her sarees and stand and say something like grace or mother Every time I said the word mother for her everything I carried within as an individual would leave me That cannot be applied to every scene because there were so many fierce sequences But overall she was motherly in her approach She wasnt Charlies Angels fierce She was motherfierce desperatefierceOne word for your character in QueenVulnerable It was easy to tap into Director Vikas Bahl would say that Im in fact overconfident My father thinks the same But it always excited me to find people who are absolutely unsure of themselves They look away even if no ones looking at them When this character came my way I was thrilled to go into that zone identifying such people and what it feels like to be themYou actually worked on the writing process of that film and crafted the characterThis was during the time I was not getting good work doing films like Rascals 2011 I went off to New York to learn screenwriting I understand direction musicprocess but writing made me curious Queen was happening then Vikas was an unusual director We would construct scenes on set He felt that everyone else on set knows more than him I am the same way when I am directing I gave a lot of inputs in Queen mdash the breakup scene in the cafeteria the Italian kissing scene were my ideas There were a lot of situations suggested by me When I saw the film finally I was glad it worked out well togetherYou should be glad Queen happened because before that you were almost on the verge of quitting acting trueIt was the end of my career Everything was over And I was doing films that would further harm me I was doing 10minute roles working in the launchvehicle of a politicians son I did all of this to sponsor my education in the USBut you would want to pursue direction seriously You have directed ManikarnikaThat happened accidentally Before that I tried everything to make a project where I can involve myself more but it didnt work out I miss that infrastructure you need Past directors who have made it are all Kisi bade hero ne unhe bachha samajh ke mentor kiya hai Even if its with guest appearance they have been backed by mentors I am not comfortable with that sort of a scenario A lot of women directors feel that when the boys are out with their beers and gang a lot of milliondollar deals get cracked When you are a girl it is difficult to fit yourself into the environment Everyone gets uptight and uncomfortable Somehow boys between themselves can get pally and work it outUsually direction more so production becomes Plan B for actors but youre currently at the top of your gameDirectors should be made mainstream heroes like in the West They are stars like Christopher Nolan is I dont look down upon filmmaking or feel it can compromise on my popularity Also I dont even enjoy what comes as frills for actors mdash unnecessary attention dancing at weddings fairnesscream endorsements I want to able to evoke thoughts and ideas through my work If a story is within me I want to share it with the world and live through them It is spiritual in its natureSpeaking of spirituality youre just back from a tenday break having not spoken a word in that time How was that likeVery difficultAlso ReadKangana Ranaut says the leaked horseriding video was a conspiracy against herWhy did you need that breakI was kind of harrowed with the whole Manikarnika experience My director abandoned the project All of this came on to me with such a force I wanted to get into direction But it didnt have to come like a tsunami at gunpoint mdash directing in a situation where everyone is feeling unsureWhen the film finally came out and came out good people loved it But there was so much negativity from the backlog that came with it I thrive on my confidence I dont know how to function without it Its the fuel of my personality When I feel wronged taken for a ride I feel like a meek person I felt like thatThese people were altogether bullying me Did you see the horse episode a clip leaked from the making of the film This is mockery A girl has pulled off these stunts for the first time And there is this whole system working against it openly I felt like it was scarring me I have been associated with a gurus ashram in Coimbatore and this retreat was happening exactly what I neededBut as a public figure you also seem to thrive on this environment Most artistes would want to stay away from cutthroat worldly stuff but you actually want to pick on someone and say Why is this guy doing this FairNo I do that only when I am rubbed the wrong way I obviously dont have time to pick on people or find out whos doing what Also I am not a judgmental person and if you see me Im very easygoing But when somebody on purpose bullies me or tries to be nasty then of course I have my own way of putting them in their place And I do that very wellGoogling you before this conversation the second thing that showed up was 34 controversial moments from Kanganas life Clearly you rattled people up in a certain way But is it always because someone rubbed you up the wrong wayAlways Of those 34 controversies you cant come up with one that hasnt been about people who havent rubbed me the wrong way Maybe you havent seen them do it openly in public Because sometimes people have a way of going behind and hitting you But I have always retaliated openlyFor example that silly ex comment I said it first But the way he was harassing me for two years So people are like Oh where did that my reaction come from It has always been out of retaliation to people who have been either secretly harassingbullying me or openly soRecently you picked on Ranbir Kapoor for the fact that he does not like to comment on stuff which is political in nature something he said on Sit With Hitlist He didnt rub you the wrong wayOf course he did He said I live in luxuryBut he was talking about himselfThese are people who feel absolutely exclusive saying one has nothing to do with the rest of India This is the kind of attitude that Karan Johar and gang thrive on And a lot of negative PR about me has been happening from these people Maybe you dont know but I know who gives out news about me Thats why whenever I do something it is to put them in their placeI am me and you are you is where the words nepotism and outsider come from Because they feel superior to others We need to question that and the fact that I also know who had released that horse video If I tell you the name you will be shockedAlso ReadRanbir Kapoor gets slammed by Kangana Ranaut Whos nextGo for itIll you tell later There is a lot of politics in the industry mdash people who are uncomfortable with me coming up whether it is with Tanu Weds Manu 2011 or Manikarnika which have boxoffice figures that no femalecentric films have seen before Tanu Weds Manu is still ahead of many heroes highest grossers And with Manikarnika people are saying no hero has ever done action like thisSo it is frightening many people mdash making them feel ki hamari bhi period film aayegi will we be compared If in your business journalism it is not as simple as it looks then how can it be in mineBut could you also be suffering from some element of persecution complex Is it possible as an idea thoughtWell that person will definitely live in a lot of pain feeling everyone is out to get them But when you are out to get everyoneYou are out to get everyoneObviously one cant be suffering from persecution complex when I am out to get everyone who has tried to mess with me It is in fact the opposite of thatSure but there was a larger point that you were trying to make with that Ranbir Kapoor commentYou know I also spoke about other starsI know This isnt about him but the larger idea that if one feels they arent qualified enough to comment on something or dont wish to go public with it is that not okay as a personal choice Do we not owe to society that we pay our taxes and we do our work really well Is that not good enoughThis cannot be spoken of superficially Can you and I plough the field for ourselves No You write I act There is somebody actively farming for us And so we eat You hire these people to work for you but you cant possibly educate them from Day One But there are people in the social structure dealing with it only as a giveandtake We can never pay back a farmer for what he does for usNow what is a celebrity A celebrated human being who reflects on what the masses want Maybe they the masses dont even know what is good for them That responsibility of reflecting on that psyche lies on them the celebrities Hence going forward they should be addressing concerns if we are talking about the collective development of a community or nationIf its just about capitalism thats different mdash you do your thing and I do mine It will be good to talk like that maybe 50 years down when we dont have the highest levels of malnutrition in the world Right now if somebody talks like that they should be condemnedAs a society we need to decide whether these idiots should be our rolemodels because we get what we deserve So we need to talk about it They can make as much money as they want Thats not the problemAlso ReadKangana Ranaut to be paid a whopping 24 crore for Jayalalithaa biopicSure thats a viewpoint Hes allowed his You may not agree with it But thats how he feels You should be okay with that tooIts not okayAudience You called out the industry for being nepotistic Heres a scenario say 20 years down your child tells you that he wants to be an actordirector will you not pick up the phone and help Eepsita GuhaIf I do that the possibility of him being a good director will be 50 per cent If I really care for him as a mother I will let him find his own way because he can make a good living out of anything anywhere But if I want him to be an extraordinary person I must throw him into the sea He will either drown or make itMy brother is struggling to be a pilot past four years looking for a job I can make a call and make that happen but never will Getting him that job means nothing to me But to see a great human being rise out of that struggle every day mdash through rejection despair hopelessness mdash is what I would really love to see my brother asFor him there are plenty of options farming is also one We have lot of land back home It is not cheque money or just badges we wear to become director pilot or doctor That is not how I see lifeAudience Is production something youre actively looking at Mohar BasuIts something I might have to get into reluctantly As an actor I get a lot of freedom on set But as director there were many things that people tried to do with my film mdash like the CEO and others they tried to edit behind my back And they couldEverything that a director does is questioned by people whove never directed Or have no filmmaking experience But they are in positions they canAs a creative person I come from a place that is not borrowed because Ive never seen films So my path seems unconventional But that doesnt mean you decisionmakers in a company just discard it since it has never happened before Ive gathered that a producer can only conceive or perceive from the position of being cinema bufffan If you show anything they are fans of theyll immediately okay it Anything original they cant perceive In that scenario I might have to produce even if I hate to do baniyagiri handling moneyAudience Why are you not on social media And when is Tanu Weds Manu 3 getting made Alam KhanAanandji Rai director Tanu Weds Manu is making another film right now so maybe after that He and I spoke about it And Im not on social media because it is very consuming I like to be involved in everything I do My very need as an actor to live within people and say something and live through them is very spiritual But when I communicate with people it just dies down I lose that need Dont know how to say itSocial media is quite satisfying For example if I have a story to tell I can say it in five scenes But if I write two lines of poetry it will be the same thing So I feel if Im on social media Ill be writing poetry constantly giving opinions posting pictures contemplating writing things that I always wanted to say through cinema And then there will be nothing left for me to sayInteresting youre conserving yourself for artfilmsSometimes I give a good interview and feel like theres nothing to do or say for seven days That need to communicate dies down because I feel Im very good with communication photography poetryYou write poetryYes and even so many dialogues I write which do well on screen only because Ive not communicated those thoughts before And I dont know how people keep themselves full with creative juices when theyre engaging with millions Either theyre being fake or they know how to save themselves draw the line How do they not get enamoured by other people and their wonderful lives on social mediaAlso ReadKangana Ranaut on Jayalalithaa biopic Will learn Tamil to feel closer to herCatch up on all the latest entertainment news and gossip here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates