I am jealous of my partner!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I feel horrible saying this, but I am jealous of my partner and always feel a lot of resentment towards him. We have similar backgrounds and professional qualifications, but things always seem to work out better for him than they do for me. I have worked as hard as he has, but he seems to get breaks and opportunities that never come my way. I know it's not his fault, and he does his best to make me feel better because he sees how unfair things are, but it doesn't help. I love being with him but, when he's not around and I am alone, I can't help feeling anger that he gets more than I have access to. I know this is wrong and I want to stop feeling this way. How do I resolve this?
It's perfectly normal to feel anger or resentment towards anyone who gets more opportunities that we perceive ought to come to us. It's a common state of unfairness that runs rampant across the world, which is why a small percentage of people own more than the majority. Resentment between partners is also common because there are multiple factors that lead to favouritism even if they seem to be beyond our control. Gender, class, and connections can often get in the way of merit, and there is no sweeping that under the carpet. You can try addressing this with honesty though. You have to tell your partner why you feel this way and acknowledge that it is a real problem. He may not be able to change things for you but accepting it and trying to bear the weight of this together will make it easier for you to avoid anger. Things may never be fair, but the support of a partner can help rather than exacerbate the pain and anger you feel. You need to learn to treat him as an ally, and he needs to understand that his good fortune comes with responsibilities too.

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